Are You Missing Out On A Good Man Because He’s Broke?

I’m surprised this topic of conversation is still making it’s rounds on the internet. Is a man a good man if he’s broke? I guess it depends on what color your skin is according to some women. Because when Black Men tend to have money they typically date outside of their race. If a man is broke what exactly is a woman missing out on?

A dustie left me to die in a hotel almost 6 months pregnant in a high risk pregnancy, severely I’ll because he wanted to insert his limp diddle into the lady parts of the women at his job and his ex wife. He sold the dream of marriage and children to me. He pretended he was madly in love with me. Only to back out during my time of need. Like I didn’t stick to him as he was going through a divorce, had a phobia of driving, didn’t even have a GED or High School Diploma, only made $12 an hour, spit like a camel, was a two pump chump, owned nothing. Didn’t even have a car note or mortgage. However, I was willing to take whatever he had and multiply it. His dreams or goals I was willing to invest in. My college educated, multiple income having ass lowered my standards because some Dusties in my comment sections on YouTube told me I needed to get out my own way and try dating a blue collar worker. Which ultimately ended in me pregnant sleeping in the back of his borrowed Ford Explorer, jumping from hotel to hotel and washing up in Walmart bathrooms. All because I loved and trusted a broke man who I thought was my friend.

To me there are variations to being a good man. Not just where he stands financially. But there is a difference between being broke in character and being financially broke. If he’s rich in character he’s “that guy.” Being broke doesn’t automatically make someone a bad person. My son’s father was a bad person. Whether someone is good or not depends on their character, values, and how they treat others. It’s not just about money. Being a good person means being kind, honest, and caring, regardless of how much money you have. Financial problems can happen to anyone due to various reasons, and it doesn’t define who they are as a person. So, let’s not judge someone’s goodness based solely on their bank account. A man doesn’t have to be rich to be implementing an effective plan that will ultimately get him there. The question shouldn’t be does he make enough money. It should be “Does he have a plan?”

He could have millions of dollars in the bank and not have plans to include YOU in his life. Plenty of wealthy men have gone bankrupt. I spoke recently about a few women who attached themselves to wealthy men only for things to end tragically, in this blog entry called “How To Become A Lady of Leisure Without Having A Wealthy Partner”

Oh, honey, my son’s father, he had some major issues. No plan, no responsibility, and absolutely no consideration for anyone else. Selfish and immature? Oh, you bet! His character traits were a disaster, and honestly, they were worse than his empty wallet. I didn’t notice how cruel he was until AFTER I was pregnant. Had I known he was that bad of a person I would’ve never dated him and most definitely would not even put myself in a position for us to conceive a child.

Do I think he was mean to me because he was broke? No, because a good person would’ve at least tried to be a good friend when I needed them. He could’ve been wealthy and still treated me as poorly. We’ve seen wealthy men do some terrible things to women.

Listen up, ladies, because this is important. When you attach yourself to low-energy men, you end up with low-energy experiences. Don’t ever think that lowering your standards will be the magical solution. Trust me, it’s not! You deserve better than that. Keep your standards high, hold your head up, and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.

There are plenty of ways to measure a man’s worth without factoring in how much money he makes.

1. Character and Integrity: Is this guy the real deal or just a smooth-talking charmer? Look at how he treats others. Is he honest, reliable, and consistent? We want a man who’s respectful, compassionate, and empathetic. No time for DUSTIES here! We need someone who upholds moral values and can make decisions with integrity. Let’s leave the shady business to Wall Street.
2. Relationships and Connections: Girl, we know the importance of healthy and supportive relationships. Does this man keep a solid crew of family, friends, and colleagues? Is he there for them in times of need? We want a man who knows the value of building and nurturing meaningful connections. He should have emotional intelligence and care for others. We don’t need a solo act; we need someone who can rock it with a whole squad. If he doesn’t know how to be a part of team he most likely doesn’t know how to be in a relationship.
3. Contributions and Impact: Honey, let’s size up his impact on the world. Does he make a difference in his community, society, or in the lives of others? Is he all talk or does he walk the walk? We’re looking for a man who volunteers, supports causes, and mentors others. We want to see him using his time, skills, and efforts to bring about positive change. It’s time to show us what he’s got!
4. Personal Growth and Learning: Check out his personal growth game. Is he willing to learn, adapt, and improve himself? Can he handle some intellectual stimulation? We want a man who’s open-minded, receptive to new ideas, and willing to expand his horizons. Continuous self-improvement is key, ladies. Let’s keep the bar high and expect him to bring his A-game.
5. Emotional Intelligence and Empathy: Is he in tune with his emotions or does he need a GPS for feelings? We need a man who can handle his emotions like a pro and show empathy and understanding. Emotional intelligence is sexy, ladies! We want a guy who can ride the emotional rollercoaster with us and still keep his cool. No emotional “man children” allowed!
6. Actions and Behavior: Pay close attention to his behavior, ladies. We want a man who acts ethically, responsibly, and knows how to take accountability for his actions. No excuses, no drama. We’re looking for a guy who can handle life’s curveballs like a champ and make choices that align with his values.

These are the tools to size up a man’s worth beyond his wallet. Remember, it’s all about finding a man who’s got the character, integrity, and the ability to be a true partner in crime. Let’s raise our standards and find ourselves a winner!

Speaking of losers, most women don’t want to bank on a man’s potential. Like I did with my son’s father. You have to be selective about what kind of men you support. You have to be able to recognize whether or not a man is all talk and no drive.

When it comes to choosing a partner with the potential for success, consider the following:

Does he have ambition and drive? Seek out a partner who showcases ambition, passion, and a strong work ethic. Look for someone who is motivated and determined to achieve their goals, as this indicates their potential for success.

Does he have education and skills? Evaluate his educational background and relevant skills in their chosen field or industry. Higher education or specialized training can provide a solid foundation for future success. Encourage your partner to prioritize learning and skill development.

Emphasize the value of personal growth and self-improvement. Look for a partner who invests in developing their skills, acquiring knowledge, and broadening their perspectives. This indicates their potential for continuous growth and success.

Observe how your partner handles setbacks and challenges. A person who can bounce back from failures, learn from them, and persevere in the face of obstacles is more likely to achieve long-term success. Encourage your partner to embrace resilience.

Success often involves collaborating with others, so it’s essential to find a partner with good interpersonal skills, networking abilities, and the ability to work well with a team.

Stress the significance of financial responsibility and management. Encourage your partner to be accountable for their financial obligations and make wise financial decisions. This includes understanding budgeting, saving, and investing. Passion fuels motivation and dedication, contributing to long-term success. Seek a partner whose aspirations and values align with your own for a fulfilling and supportive partnership.

Remember, success is a personal and multifaceted concept. Define success on your own terms and consider these factors while selecting a partner who supports and uplifts you. Together, let’s celebrate the potential for success within ourselves and each other as black women.

It took me 10 months to get my life somewhat together. I went from staying in a low budget hotel in Atlanta to living in a million dollar home in California. I did this half of the time pregnant and the other half with a newborn. It was hard. It was painful. I could’ve avoided it altogether had I opted out of dating someone who barely had two nickels to rub together and a piss poor character. Its been five years and I still struggle with this poor choice. I had post partum depression for almost 3 years after my son was born. He’s 5 now and sometimes our situation still makes me sad.

He needs a real solid father figure and it just breaks me apart that he doesn’t have it. I wish I had my son with someone who didn’t pretend to love me. Someone who deserves a wife and child. My basic standard of needing a man to have a car, house and college education at the least before I considered dating him could’ve saved me from this low energy experience. Because then that would’ve been proof that he at least had a plan.

Here are some challenges that can arise when we find ourselves involved with men who aren’t financially stable or who do not have a plan.

While love and emotional connection are undoubtedly important in any relationship, we must also consider the practical aspects that impact our lives and well-being. Here are some key issues that can present themselves when our partners are facing financial instability.

1. Limited Opportunities: Financial instability often leads to limited career prospects and opportunities for personal growth. It can result in a lack of financial security, making it harder to plan for the future or achieve our own goals.
2. Unequal Financial Burdens: When one partner is financially unstable, the burden of supporting the relationship and household expenses tends to fall disproportionately on the other partner. This can create tension, resentment, and an imbalance in power dynamics within the relationship.
3. Stress and Anxiety: Financial struggles can bring about stress and anxiety, affecting not only our partner but also our own emotional well-being. Constantly worrying about money can strain the relationship, causing tension and disagreements.
4. Lifestyle Limitations: Financial instability may restrict our ability to enjoy certain experiences or pursue shared interests. It can lead to a lack of financial freedom, limiting our choices and potentially hindering personal growth and self-fulfillment.
5. Future Planning: Long-term plans, such as starting a family or buying a home, can become challenging when one partner lacks financial stability. It’s essential to consider whether our partner’s financial situation aligns with our own aspirations and goals.

While it’s important to approach relationships with understanding and compassion, we shouldn’t ignore the potential consequences of being involved with someone who isn’t financially stable. Open and honest communication about finances is crucial, as it allows us to assess the compatibility of our goals and aspirations. Remember, finding a partner who is financially responsible can contribute to a healthier, more secure future for both of you. The bottom line is a man needs to have money AND a good character.